Fitting In

So I’m still struggling a bit with the fact that I am only white person in most of my daily situations. I would not call myself a racist person, but I have to be honest and say that skin color is the first thing I see when I go to class, get in a combie, or am eating in a restaurant. And I even feel relief and more comfortable when I see another white person, or for that matter, a non-black person in a place. Why is that?!?!? It is annoying! And also, if I’m walking down the street in a mall and pass a white person, I have a different reaction than if I pass a black person. I hope that the fact that I react differently to people based on their skin color doesn’t define me as racist, but I can’t deny these feelings. I feel like everywhere I go, people look at me because of the first thing they see as well…my white skin color (although I do have to say, my tan is coming along quite well!). I feel like sometimes they are thinking, “Wow, what is this white girl doing here?” I think now I am less uncomfortable with it than a week ago, but it is still on my mind every day. I really hope that these feelings will continue to diminish, because it is frustrating me. I don’t think it is a bad thing to be going through, but it is definitely not making me feel good. I hope by the end of this semester, I am totally comfortable in my own [white] skin in any situation and that I can honestly say that I initially see people as individuals, and not as a color.