Lonely Tree

When you drive, do you ever notice trees that are all by themselves? Standing alone in a field, away from the others? Well, maybe you don't see them...but they're there...seldom...but they exist...and I see them. Whenever I see one away from all the rest, I think of me. I don't know why, but when I see one, I personify it to be me. Someone different...away...from the rest. This image sort of saddens me. But it also just reiterates the fact that I am unique...that I am different than others.

I think differently than other people...not that I know how they think or anything, but it's just a feeling I get. It's hard to explain. I think about pretty deep things...not all the time, but pretty often. I think about how beautiful and absolutely detailed each and every living thing on earth is, the overabundance of man-made objects, the genuineness of relationships, about how in the world we all got to this point in existence, about the pain and loss people go through every day when I have experienced none of it, and about the mind-boggling fact that outer space goes on FOREVER. (How the hell is that?!?) I think about the things that are going on right NOW in countries all over the world...and how small this planet really is and how man is ruining it...and how I wish we could all just get along...not by all believing the same things, but by merely accepting each others' beliefs. Thinking of all this makes me cry...life is just not fair. I have SO much...and some people have so LITTLE. Think about the orphans, the abused, the brainwashed, the sick...children and adults alike. (And these were just last week's thoughts.) Who else cries for these people? I do...but what else can I do? Now I'm getting sappy...sorry.

I just feel like God has this awesome plan for me...but I just don't know what. And anyway, what IS God? He isn't a king, a father, a shepherd, or a prince....these are roles for men, and God is not human. He is our creator, but he isn't someone we can equate to these humanly roles. (Another thought, sorry.) This last week I've sort of been rethinking the "plan" I've set up for the next few years. I think I want to take a trip...a long trip...to somewhere far away...Africa maybe. I don't know. I am so young, and once I graduate in December I will have no commitments...to anywhere or anyone. So why not utilize that freedom to do something great? How about the Peace Corps? There is no rush to do anything. So what do I want to do? I know I really enjoy school...basically learning that we all really know nothing. And I want to help people...but only people who want help. Helping whom and where is something to be determined.

So where does that leave me? It leaves this lonely tree with some more thinking, that's where.